Turn On, Tune In, Get Pissed (Let It Flow Now Mama)

Drink, Drunk, Pass Out, Repeat

Brighton And Hove has one of the most lively pub, bar and club scenes anywhere in the world. There are an estimated 690 pubs and in the town centre, and approximately 98 different nightclubs for people with music tastes ranging from Whack-a-Mole Cock Music, to Soft Belgian Jazz, from Pump-Whale Buzz-Fart, to Disco and Soul. But whatever your tastes, one thing that is common across all these venues is the sale of copious amounts of alcohol. Prices range from 99p for two cans of tasty Gówno polish beer in a corner shop, to over £169 for a 'Zooz Blues' cocktail in a high-class Cheese-Bang club.

Whatever your tipple though, don't let your inihbitions, your level of inebriation, or your income dispel you, just keep on drinking. Drink, drink, drink, drunk, then if you sober up, drink some more. If you can still stand up, you haven't had enough.

But the most important thing is that if you do end up not knowing what your name is, where you live, or why you even came to Brighton and Hove in the first place, is to remember to fall down drunk in the street. Anywhere will do. Local people love to see drunks and druggies bedecking the pavements and will just pass you by, or step over you, and leave you to stew in your own vomit. And it doesn't matter what time of day it is, morning, afternoon or night, just drop to the floor and pass out, you know it makes sense.